The Dead Truth
by Dead Pan Contest
Summary: Sookie Stackhouse is an evening television show producer, struggling to maintain ratings, while trying to find Mister Right. Add on top of that she is a telepath and the Vampires are out in the open, she is in for a good time in her search.


**The Dead Pan Contest**

**Title: The Dead Truth**

**Movie parodied: The Ugly Truth**

**Characters: Sookie, Eric, Bill, Lafayette, Alcide, Amelia, Terry, Sam, Tara, JB**

**Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns the SVM characters. Columbia Pictures, Lakeshore Productions and probably others own 'The Ugly Truth'.**

**Summary: **Sookie Stackhouse is an evening television show producer, struggling to maintain ratings, while trying to find Mister Right. Add on top of that she is a telepath and the Vampires are out in the open, she is in for a good time in her search.

**The Dead Truth**

^v^

SOOKIE POV

Grabbing a coffee from the little café situated just outside the CBS Shreveport station, I checked my watch, realising that I was running a few minutes late. It was totally out of character for me to be running late, but I had gotten caught in traffic on the way to work this afternoon. School time traffic is a killer these days. It's not something I tend to think about often. Kids that is. Being a telepath lends me to the belief that I will never have any of my own. Don't get me wrong, I would love to get married, have a litter of kids and live in the white picket fenced house, but I just don't think it will be possible. It's not easy dating guys whose every thought you could hear running through your head, especially if that guy happens to be a loud broadcaster.

Only since the Vampire populace had 'come out of the coffin' a few years back has my mind has turned once again to dating and finding that special someone. You see, on top of being telepathic and its disastrous effects on my dating, I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Ok, ok, I'm anal all right… there; the first step is to admit you have a problem. I just like knowing things that's all. I was really shocked when the Vampires came out, though I knew that if I could hear other people's thoughts, then why couldn't other mythical things exist.

I now know that my boss of five years, Sam Merlotte, is a Shifter. It wasn't a shock per se, as I always found it really hard to hear his thoughts. It was more like feelings, and hazy thoughts. I knew that he had feelings for me, but I was still really shocked how he came out to tell me of his other nature. He shifted, in front of me, in my lounge room one night after some office drinks. To say I was speechless would be an understatement. He started taking his clothes off first, and I nearly high tailed it out of there. But the look on Sam's face and the tone of his voice made me second-guess that initial response. I am glad that he told me, as I had already told him about my little quirk a few months after I had started work for him.

But I think that is why I like working with him, and doing the job I do. I'm actually the producer of the once Popular Talk Show 'The Evening Shift'. The stars were 'happily' married local celebrities Tara Thornton and JB de Rone (Tara insisted on being known by her maiden name, even though they have been married for over 15 years). These guys were great together, though over the last few years their personal life has been impacting on their on-screen relationship. Everyone loves a loving couple and I think that they viewers are starting to think we have developed into more of a Jerry Springer feel then the original 'Morning-type' talk show. We originally catered for the shift workers or night shift people, who miss out on the morning version of the show.

Ever since the Vampires came out, we have noticed in both a decline in viewer-ship and a changing of the demographic. 'Fangbangers' have become the hot commodity in the entertainment business, with more and more products and services being geared towards this new section of 'working' class America. Not that a lot of these type of people actually get paid for what they do, but they have gotten themselves onto a different 'clock' then most of America, and are not very well catered for at the present. So it is looking more and more like we need to either 'shit or get off the pot', so to speak.

That is why this meeting was scheduled for this afternoon. The one that I was running late for. Luckily as I got out of the lift, Amelia, my beautiful assistant (who was actually a very well respected Witch in the supernatural world), was there waiting for me with good news. It's easy to read Amelia, because for one she is a very loud broadcaster (one that at this point in time was re-creating the very adventurous sex she was involved in with her husband Jason last night).

"There is such thing as too much information, Amelia," I said, trying to shake images of my best friend and my brother doing things I've only ever read about. Some times having set up Amelia and Jason didn't look like such a great idea on my part. But it was one of the ever-evident results of my controlling nature.

"Sorry, Sook, I kinda got carried away there didn't I?"

At least she had the gall to look sorry for her imagery, but of course I would forgive her. She has been my best friend since before I can remember, and has not once given me crap about my quirk.

"So what is this good news I just know you want to tell me?" I asked, trying to steer her mind from those nasty visuals.

"I have found Mr. Right for you!" she exclaimed, dumping a rather thick pile of print outs that I just knew were all the usual information I like to gather for my prospective dates. "But we really need to get into that meeting. Sam is running a bit late, but everyone else is waiting in the meeting room for us." With that Amelia leads the way down to the room where the rest of the 'The Evening Shift' crew was waiting to begin.

As I entered the room I scanned to see if everyone was here. Of course the 'stars' of the show were there, having a very loud 'private' discussion about their lack of 'relations' as of late. Terry, our weather anchor, was sitting at the table, vaguely listening to Tara and JB's argument, while ripping a Minty wrapper into a long curly mess. Arlene, our 'celebrity' correspondent in Hollywood, had graced us with her presence, normally opting to be on a conference call for these meetings.

A few other people were there, our lovely cameraman Quinn and the head tech in the sound room, Andy. As Amelia and I take two of the three remaining seats, Quinn quickly slides himself into the unoccupied chair beside me.

"So Babe, when are you going to let me take you out of lunch or a night on the town?"

Now I have thought about dating Quinn, as he is actually some form of Were (though I'm not sure what type, due to them still being hidden from the world), but just the way he says babe gives me the shivers... and not in a good way.

"Quinn you know my rule, 'never date a co-worker'. And you, my friend, fall into that category." I made sure I looked him in the eye while saying this, making sure he knew I meant every word, and wasn't just playing hard to get. Never mind that he has asked this same question every afternoon for the past six months. The guy just doesn't give up.

"All good, babe, you'll come around." He gets up from the seat and moves back around to see if the 'moves' would work on Arlene. Her response was a lot better then my one, with Quinn earning a slap across the face.

Luckily Sam walked into the room at this time, so the rest of us didn't get to relish in Quinn's double knock back. It wasn't until I looked up at Sam's face, and noticed a guarded look did I get worried. Now I do try and keep my shields up and to stay out of Sam's head, but with that look of his face I knew what was coming wasn't going to be good. I let my shield down and concentrated on Sam's thoughts, and they weren't good. The network bosses were not happy with the latest numbers, and they were seriously considering putting re-runs of Survivor on instead. Apparently Fangbangers have a thing for seeing people stranded on an island trying to survive. Go figure.

"Afternoon everyone, and thanks for coming in. Arlene, its nice see you all the way down here. I hope Shreveport isn't too boring for you compared to the bright lights of Hollywood?"

"No Sam, I enjoy being away from all those beautiful Hollywood hunks and designer clothes. So why don't you tell us whatever you had me come down here for so I can get back to doing what I do best?" Did I tell you she was a snarky bitch and it was a joyous day when we throw her a 'heading to Hollywood' party a few years back?

"Ok, I'll just get right down to business then. I've spent all day in a meeting with the owners of the station and they have come to a decision concerning our falling ratings. They feel that if we don't bring in some new blood and pick the numbers up really quickly, then they are caning the show, and putting re-runs of Survivor in our time slot."

The noisy coming from the assembled brains washed through my head, and I realised that I still hadn't put my shields back up. It didn't really matter though, as the internal thoughts of those around me mirrored mine exactly. We were screwed.

Almost immediately, Tara and JB launched into a tirade about what they could do for the show, rehashing many of our past ideas. Sam just sat down, defeated, and let the rest of us discuss what we were to do. Before long though, it was time to do the show, and we all went off our separate ways to start our tasks for show time.

As I was walking towards to sound booth with Andy, Sam walked up to me and looked me in the eye.

"Sookie we need a miracle. We really do!" With that, Sam turned and walked back into his office, as Andy and I make our way to the booth.

^v^

After yet another routine show, Amelia and I were walking to our cars discussing the potential date I had scheduled for the coming Saturday night. Amelia had found Alcide on one of those on-line dating site, that she had signed me up for without my knowledge. We were going through all the information gathered from the background checks and his on-line dating profile, and had decided was that he would be 'prefect' for me. I did concur with her, as he did fit 9 out of my 10 checklist points for Mr. Right!

I spent the next few days organizing with Alcide a location for the date, and trying to wrack my brain finding a solution to the shows issues.

When Saturday night finally came around, I was armed with all the information Amelia and I had found, and a brand new dress. I don't normally lash out on new fancy clothes, tending to keep to the staple wardrobe of an office girl, but I thought with how right Alcide and I seem to work on paper, that now would have been the perfect time for a new dress.

I strode purposely into the restaurant scouting out the available tables in search of my dinner date. When I couldn't see a man that fit the description from his dating profile I asked the hostess to inform me of my dates' whereabouts.

"I'm looking for my date. He is about 6 foot tall, with black hair…'

'Well aren't you a pretty little thing' said a massive piece of man behind me. The first thing I noticed, apart from the fact that he was a Were, was his brilliant green eyes. His hair was curly, thick and was black as pitch. It was the kind of hair you wanted to run your hands through.

As our waiter directed us to our table, I mentally went through the list I had created to insure this date when perfect. This date will be perfect, it just has to be.

^v^

I couldn't believe yet another one of my 'perfect' matched dates was a blow out. I still can't for the life of me understand why two people who are perfect together on paper could not work out in real life. We would have matched, if it wasn't the realisation that he was plain boring. I already knew everything there was to know via Amelia's background check. He was stunning to look at, but I didn't even have to be a telepath to know what he was thinking. As I picked up Tina, my cat to sit her on the bed, I flipped on the TV to see what was happening in the world. The very re-runs that were threatening my own show came on I decided to start my night routine before bed.

I was half way through brushing my teeth when Tina ran across the bed, hitting the TV remote on her way across. Her actions caused the channel to change onto one of those late night low rent cable shows. I had previously heard about these types of shows, as Sam was always getting us to scope out the possible rivals.

The man that came onto the screen was one that I had heard of, but never seen before. Eric Northman was quite attractive looking, resembling a Viking with his 6 foot 4 height and long shoulder length blonde hair that actually matched my own. He was stunning to put it mildly, dressed simply in black tight fitting jeans, and a black wife beater. But it wasn't his looks that drew me in; it was the crap he was preaching on his show.

"Tonight we are going to talk about the differences between what men and women are looking for in a relationship. I've been looking through a few books on dating. 'What Women Want', 'Women Who Love Men That Hate Women', and my favourite 'Women Who Know What They Want And Go And Get It'."

I looked at the pile of books on my bedside table, noticing that Eric had named three out of the four I had there. I could just tell this guy was going to be interesting to watch.

"Billions of dollars a year is pumped into this psycho babble bullshit, and you know what? It all worthless. I can tell you this for free: MEN ARE SIMPLE. We cannot be trained. If you want to be lonely, fine, go on reading those books. But if you want a relationship it is simple. Get out and exercise. Lose some weight, and buy some sexy lingerie, because at the end of the day, men be they human or vampire are visual creatures. We go for looks; no one falls for your personality at first sight. It's your boobs and ass that we see first. It's what you are willing to do with said body parts that may keep us around. It's that simple. There is no need for 10 steps to get the perfect man. There is only one step every women needs to find a guy, and it's called a blowjob. Learn to give one, and you'll have him coming back for more."

I was beyond pissed over what I just heard. This guy can't be serious. Maybe he was just referring to vampires when he spoke, because I can't see how human men could be so crass all the time. Though I do have the inside scoop on what men think, I can't see all men like that, just the ones I've run into. The perfect guy would have to be out there. The human race can't be that bad, can it?

I decided to see if this 'guy' was for real, so I rung his call back line. As I waited on hold I mentally went through a list of reasons why he was an idiot and how he was a poor example to others of his sex and species.

"You're on the air. What do you have to say?"

I tried to calm my breathing down before I spoke, "Are you telling me that men are incapable of falling in love? Men are completely capable of just that."

"Did I just burst your bubble, princess? Well go on, sweetness, tell us about the guy. Tell us about Mr. Perfect, the one that you are so into."

"Well he is smart, charming, with a good fashion sense. He has an eclectic taste in music. He is ok with animals, but prefers cats to dogs. He has a good job that is very useful. He likes long walks and never falls asleep before you do."

"Just wait, so you are a lesbian then. That must be it, because you just described the perfect woman." Eric scoffed at the camera, seemingly looking straight at me.

The nerve of the man, how could someone last as long as he probably has with a stupid attitude like that? This man infuriated me. "I get it. The reason you said that is because you must be threatened by those qualities. Women don't want relationships with you because you don't possess any."

"Well ok then, princess, I'll send you a car right now so you can bring this guy down to the station so I can meet him."

Oh shit, what did he just say? I thought we were talking hypothetically. "Oh, he is out there, somewhere."

"You're not even dating him? Oh that's rich. I understand you now though, you're ugly, a dog. Because if you were good looking, you would be out now with some poor guy berating him into non-existence. Just face it, you should get over your stupid notions of the 'perfect' guy or you will end up old and alone. Princess, if you don't like what I say, don't call in. Thanks and please don't come again." And the asshole hung up on me. I swore if I ever saw him in real life, I would give him a piece of my mind.

Disgusted with myself, I switched the TV off and crawled into bed, trying to get my brain to shut down. Slowly I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of the many ways that I would gut Eric Northman.

^v^

I saw the expectant face of Amelia as I walked out of the lift Monday evening. I could tell she was buzzing with excitement over my date on Saturday night. With a shake of my head and a small smile she knew that the date hadn't lived up to either of our expectations.

"So Mr. Perfect on paper didn't turn out to be perfect?" Amelia asked me, with a little reservation. She knew from past experience that my ego took a hit with each failed date.

"No Amelia, he actually was perfect if you ignored the fact he was boring. But enough about the weekend Ames, what's on the agenda for today?" I knew that Sam had called another meeting before tonight's show. He said he might have an idea to help us out. Well I hoped so, because I was at a loss on this one.

Sam was already in the conference room with most of "The Evening Shift" staff, each who were broadcasting the same worry they had in our last meeting.

"Oh good, now that Sookie and Amelia are here we can start. As you know the ratings for last week show have come through and they are worst then the week before. Because of this, the network bosses have decided that drastic times call for drastic measures. With that in mind, we have a new co-host that will do a small segment to start with, and we'll go from there."

Sam clicked on the TV that was in the room, and to my horror the images from Eric Northman's 'The Dead Truth' came on.

"You've got to be kidding me Sam," I said with a little more passion then what I would normally talk to him with. "That guy has to be one of the most egomaniacal guys out there. He represents everything that is wrong with society today. I have some ideas, why not an interview with the Mayor. It could be edgy and intriguing?" I shook my head in utter confusion. And the confusion only grew worst when I felt a presence behind me.

"Yes, Sookie, I am serious. Eric here is our new co-host. I'm glad you made it Eric, this is the rest of the crew."

I turned to watch as Eric took in the faces of everyone in the room, finally settling on mine. "Unless you can get the Mayor to fuck a vampire, a shifter and a human on live TV, no one is going to give a shit." He took a sip of his True Blood, continuing, "And who is this delightful creature before me?" He cocked an eyebrow at me, and smirked. I didn't think he could irritate me more, but he had.

Seeing as I was still seething over his stupid comment, Sam replied, "That, Eric, is Sookie Stackhouse, the executive producer of the show."

Eric gave a small laugh and gave me a smile that I'm sure would melt panties, "I do enjoy a woman on top."

I scoffed at him, and rolled my eyes. I could see that he thought of himself as God's gift to all women. Well this woman won't be falling for him.

"Well, aren't you just sweet!" It was more like a statement than a question, and I was sure he was just trying to get a rise out of me.

"Not especially," I said, trying to maintain some form of dignity.

Everyone else in the room was watching the exchange. I hoped they were enjoying themselves. I, on the other hand, was at the end of my tether. I was becoming more and more aggravated by his presence, as he had stepped out of my nightmare and into my reality.

Sam broke the silence that had fallen over the room, "Ok, well seeing as everyone is getting on swimmingly, I suggest everyone gets ready for tonight's' show." Sam lead Eric out of the room, but not before Eric could give me one more smirk. This was going to be interesting.

^v^

I had taken myself to my office, chanting out loud that I was a award winning producer and if I could just get through this first show I would make sure that Eric never worked on mainstream TV again. I was so involved in my own thoughts and chant that I didn't notice that my office door had opened, and the object of my frustrations was standing there, staring at me.

"Yes, you are an award winning producer," he said, once again making me relive my frustrations.

"Don't you believe in knocking? You can't just barge into someone office without knocking." This guy was so annoying.

"Oh excuse me, Miss 'I'm strung so tight,' I did knock, but you mustn't have heard me?"

I was seething at this point, and said the first thing that came to mind, "Well Woof Woof, remember the bark? Last night a little phone conversation we had…"

"Yeah, hey what do you know, you're not a dog at all. I wouldn't have gotten this gig without our conversation last night. You sure do make an impression on people. I think you and I are going to make some great TV".

Oh my God, did he just say I helped him, by lowering myself on his show? "You make imbecilic trash watched by people of the fangbanging nature, who spend most of the time with their hands down the pants of their 'friends' and are too hyped up on vampire blood to change the channel". Oh yeah, I went there. This guy could really push my buttons.

"Well I hadn't pictured you like that, but it's a nice image," he said with a small laugh.

"As if I would watch your show. My cat stepped on the remote," I said assertively, making it clear that I didn't subscribe to the lifestyle that he would normally be associated with.

Eric roared with laughter, the sound reverberating off the walls. "Well, make sure you thank your pussy for me." God, did he really just say that? I couldn't take it anymore, and just walked out the door. I knew what I had to do, and that was to ruin Eric Northman. And I knew who could help me.

I had caught up with Tara and JB, walking with them to the set.

"I want you both to bury him. I want Eric Northman to go down in flames, a pile of ash on the chair beside you. I want the janitor to vacuum him up and then have rats vomit on his ashes. I want Eric Northman finally dead."

As I walking away, I hear JB turn to Tara. "And I thought you were angry and bitter?"

Tara scoffed, "No, JB, that would be my untouched vagina". I laughed a little at the comment, knowing full well their 'perfect' relationship was in just as much trouble as their show.

^v^

I paced the sound booth waiting for the fun to begin. I just hoped that JB and Tara could bring Eric Northman's demise quickly, so we could get back to the quality television this station was known for.

As the camera started to roll, and the count down was called I noticed Eric was the picture of calm, having just come out of what I called 'Downtime'.

"Good evening everyone and welcome to 'The Evening Shift,'" JB said, starting off the show. "This lovely lady beside me is my beautiful wife, Tara".

"Why thank you JB. For years many people have voiced concerns about the lowering of standards in mainstream television. Now it's believed that the man next to me has brought things to a new low. With that, let me introduce you to Eric Northman."

Nice start to the show Tara. I knew I could rely on her to bring the big guns out.

JB gave a small laugh, which he tried to cover up with a cough. "So Eric, what do you think about the claims that your show, and similar shows like it, are offensive and shouldn't be allowed on mainstream television?"

Eric didn't seem to miss a beat, and gave a rather loud laugh before speaking. "My show is offensive, but then again so is the truth. Not enough people are straightforward with themselves and others."

Tara looked at Eric with concern, "And what truth would that be about Eric?"

"What relationships are really like, and what people actually want out of them. Take marriage for example. It's all about social appearance and pressure, status and sex. If it wasn't for these things, men and women wouldn't even speak."

Tara just looked at Eric with a sad expression, "Aww, it sounds to me that no one has ever loved you, and you are taking it out on the female population." And that my friend is why I asked Tara to take Eric down. She is pure genius.

Eric didn't look at all concerned with Tara's comments, and I started to get a little worried about what he was going to say next. "Well Tara, it's just what I observe. Take you two for example; you project the image of the perfect couple when clearly it's a lie."

Ok I had to stop him from talking any more. I tried to get Andy's attention, so he could throw to a commercial, but he just turned around and said, "Sorry there Sookie, but Sam said to keep rolling no matter what."

I couldn't believe it, Sam was telling me how to run MY show. Damn men. All I could do is watch while Eric verbally attacked my two hosts, on live television.

"Come on, you two. I've seen your show over the years; JB, you use to be so confident, what happened to you? And you Tara, you thought the only way you would move up in the world was to marry JB, and lo and behold, you actually became more popular then him, getting more money in return."

"I'm very proud of my wife's success," JB started to say, trying to defend his relationship with his wife.

"Bullshit you are. You feel emasculated by her success. And that screws with your head, which in turn screws with your cock."

I could tell that Tara was starting to get extremely frustrated with what Eric was saying about her relationship with JB. "And what is your point Eric?"

"My point, Tara," Eric stated, walking to stand behind both her and JB, "is that you haven't had sex with each other for what, three months?" Eric was looking between both of the hosts, with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Well, um," stammered JB. "It's not my fault." Tara at this point was just looking over to her husband in shock. I couldn't see this ending well.

"No, it's not your fault, it's her fault," Eric said, looking at Tara, who looked perplexed. She was trying to think about how it was her fault he couldn't get it up.

"And it's my fault that JB can't get an erection because?"

I nearly collapsed in the booth, "She didn't just say erection on network television did she?" Amelia at this point was in fits of laughter. "Oh settle down, Sookie, Play School says erection, so chill."

Eric seemed like he was having great fun on the set. "You could dump his ass, but have you seen what is up for offering around here? Unless you are ok with taking up with one of my kind, I suggest you just let him be a man."

JB looked relieved when he realised that Eric wasn't telling his wife to leave him.

"Now kiss her, JB. In front of me and the viewers. Be the Man!"

Tara didn't know what to say or think, and I didn't either. Eric had, within the space of 3 minutes, managed to turn our little evening show into a special edition Jerry Springer episode.

"Damn it, Tara, just let me be the man!" And with that demand, JB went in for the kill, gripping Tara's shoulders and planting the mother of all kisses on her. Over the microphone you could hear their lips connecting and the soft moans that were issuing from them both.

"Roll to the break. No one wants to see these two going for it. Cut to damn a commercial Andy, NOW!" Andy just looked up at me and laughs as he hit the button to run the commercials.

I looked over at Sam in disgust. Sam just looked back at me with the biggest and brightest smile I've seen in ages. "I knew that guy was going to be great." He sat back in his chair and went about checking his emails. I just sat back down in defeat; unsure about what this segment had done to the show.

^v^

I was hiding out in my closet when Amelia and Sam found me. I could tell by Amelia's brain that the call in from viewers was massive, and 90% of them were positive responses to Eric's 'The Dead Truth.'

"How is that even possible?" I asked before either of them was able to tell me the news. "Are you certain they all liked him that much? And really what do we know about him?"

Amelia pulled out her folder, normally reserved for the printout for my dates. "Well it's estimated that Eric is about 1000 years old. He is the Sheriff of Area 5, and owns the vampire bar Fangtastia down town. He prefers O+ blood and likes to dance. He has one known child, Pam, and was forced into doing 'The Dead Truth' by the American Vampire League to boost awareness of vampires and to show them as 'normal' people." I had to give it to Amelia; she was good at finding information.

Sam looked me straight in the eye. "Sookie, please just try and keep a smile on this guy's face. If you can do that, we both might get our contracts renewed." With that comment Sam left my office, leaving Amelia to hand me a cup of coffee she brought in for me.

"It will all work, Sookie. Have some faith."

I looked at Amelia trying to see if she really thought things would be ok. Her brain was telling me exactly what she was saying. It made me feel even more down.

"Thanks Ames, I think I'm going to head on home now. Night sweetie." With a quick hug, I went on my way eager to get home so I can sleep.

When I arrived home, I could hear Tina scratching at the front door, sensing I was there. As I opened the door expecting her to wrap herself around my legs she bolts, running down the courtyard of my apartment complex. I quickly dropped my bag inside the door, and chased after her. I found her up a very tall tree, meowing at me to get her down.

"Damn it Tina, get out of that tree," I yelled, trying to find the safest path through the trees limbs. "Come on sweetheart, come to mamma!" I finally reached Tina and secured her in my grasp. As I turned around to find a way down I happened to look into my new neighbour's window. And what a view I saw. My newest neighbour would have to be one of the cutest guys alive, or in this guy case, un-dead. Yeah, my newest neighbour was a vampire. I was ogling this fine specimen when I lost my footing and slipped down the tree. I gasped in fright and would have hit the ground if it weren't for the handsome and very naked neighbour holding me off the ground.

"Wow, how did you do that?" I asked him, noticing that he hadn't moved to set me down. He was about 6 feet tall, with thick brown hair. His lips looked like they were sculpted out of marble, and his eyebrows frames his deep brown eyes beautifully.

"I heard you gasp and saw that you were about to fall. I thought it would be wise for me to help you. So here I am. Are you ok, did you hurt yourself?" He spoke in such a way that I would say he would have been turning in the Civil War era. He was the epitome of the Southern Gentlemen. "Sorry how rude of me," he said finally setting me down on my feet. "My name is Bill Compton." He took my hand and gently kissed the back of it, leaving my flesh tingling. "Well I must be going, I am need to put the finishing touches on to the database I am complying for the local charities". With that he bowed and sped away as fast as he came. Oh I really hoped he wasn't that fast in bed.

^v^

When I walked into work the next afternoon I couldn't contain my excitement over meeting Bill. The way I looked at it, that he was my perfect guy. As a vampire I couldn't hear his thoughts, so it was quiet and peaceful being with him, and he seemed to be nearly everything I look for in a guy: he dresses nice, is attractive, does a job that is useful, and he likes my pussy ... I mean cat.

I saw Amelia walking towards me and I couldn't wait to tell her about Bill. I pulled her into a hug and did a little happy dance with her. She knew something good happen, and I told her everything that happened last night.

"So what do I do now? He doesn't have my number, so do I call him? Should I leave it for a while? Come on Ames, help me out here?"

"Well first things first, don't do a background check on him. Maybe we should just get to know him organically, you know like normal people do," she rolled her eyes on that last comment. She only ever researched my dates at my insistence, never really understanding my dire need for total control. She was more a go with the flow type of girl, and I think that is why she's my best friend; we balance each other.

While taking with Amelia, I notice Eric had arrived on set. I wanted to make sure that the same shit didn't happen today like it did yesterday. As I walked over to him, I noticed he was chatting up several of the hair and make-up girls. When they saw me (and I saw in their minds all the dirty things they wished to do with him), they tootled off to do whatever they do.

"Eric, you listen to me good. Stick to the script, and do not use the words 'blow' and 'job' in the same sentence. No swearing or calling out Tara or JB again on their relationship. Both our asses are riding on you actually doing well on screen." I stood there with my arms crossed across my chest. It wasn't till I saw him eyeing my breasts did I realise that I just made them stand out more.

"Well I wouldn't want the bosses to be riding your ass, I would much rather be doing that job myself."

"Just listen to what I tell you to do and we'll be fine."

"Promise you'll talk dirty to me?" Eric laughed, and made his way onto the set. I just let out a cleansing breath, and made my way to the booth for the show.

As the countdown began, I looked over the script that Amelia gave me and realized the Eric had set up some form of wrestling pit in the parking lot. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I knew it wasn't going to be good.

I watched in horror as Eric lead the camera crew outside and started babbling on about perfect dates or some shit. All I saw was him being dragged into the pit by the two girls, and them throwing themselves on to him. I felt an emotion that I wasn't quite sure what it was, but it passed quickly so I didn't think too much on it. I knew I was going to go to hell for what I was about to do, but Sam had made it pretty clear that this was about ratings.

I gave the button a press, and talked into the microphone. "Eric, bite them." He looked at the camera questioningly and I just restated what I said.

He shrugged, and went in for the bite. The girls squealed when they saw what he was going to do. The squeals turned to moans, and that was all I could take. I got Andy to throw to commercial and I just put my head in my hands and just thought I could feel Gran rolling in her grave. _What have I done?_

I walked off towards my office, but not before I saw Eric and the two Fangbangers walking off to his dressing room, looking very cosy. He saw me staring at them, and just gave me a smile and a wink.

A while later I was in my office, going over the latest rating figures (they were good, like Raymond good) when Eric waltzed on in like he owned the place. He sat down in the chair in front of my desk and just stared at me. I wasn't sure what he was looking for in my eyes, but I guess he didn't see it as he just looked away.

I was still trying to figure out what to do about Bill, and was racking my brain when Eric spoke.

"Why do you hate me?" He had no emotion in his voice when he spoke, and being a vampire I couldn't hear what he was thinking. This was my first real conversation with him, and I was perplexed as to where he was going with it.

"It's not you per se, it's what you represent. What you do on the show lowers the national IQ average just by watching you. Your thoughts on relationships are affected by your experiences in your long life. Normal people don't think like that." I turned back to looking at the ratings, hoping he would take the hint and leave.

"I very much doubt that. At least I interact with 'real' people, not some make believe fantasy men that you created in that pretty little head of yours." He lent forward in his chair, resting his elbows onto his knees.

"For your information, he is real, I met him last night. He is a computer expert who likes my cat, and he is a vampire so I don't have to worry about hearing his thoughts." I felt powerful talking with Eric like that. It was nice to be able to throw him a curve ball. I sat back in my chair watching his face for any indication about what he was thinking. I got none.

"So your dream boy is real? Wow I'm surprised. And he is a vampire? He must be gay. Has he rung you yet?" Eric fired off those questions in quick succession. I took a moment to think before answering him.

"Yes he is real, yes he is a vampire, no he isn't gay and no he hasn't rung me because he doesn't have my number. Why am I even talking to you about this?" I made a decision then to just give in and ring Bill. What did I have to lose?

As I picked up the phone Eric raised his eyebrow at me. "What are you doing? Do you want to seem desperate?" He gave a short laugh at me making me more determined to call Bill.

"Hello, Bill Compton please." I asked the person at the other end of 'Dial a Geek'. "Hello Bill, it's Sookie, Sookie Stackhouse, your neighbour. How are you?"

"Oh yes, Sookie, how are you? Is everything ok? Are you and your pussy still fine?" I knew Eric could hear every word being said and he gave a silent laugh at Bill's last comment.

"Yes, Bill, everything fine here. I was ringing to see if you were interesting in going out this weekend? I was thinking a dinner and a movie?"

"Um, well …" Bill trailed off, and it was at that point Eric indicated for me to put Bill on hold.

"Can you just hold for a minute please?" I asked, and Eric didn't even wait for him to answer me before he hung up on him.

"What the hell Eric, you just hung up on him? What is he going to think now?" This guy was really to piss me off.

"He was going to blow you off, and not in any way you would have liked. I know guys, and especially vampires. We like a challenge; we like to hunt. That doesn't mean we don't like trashy looks, but we do like to have to work for it."

This man sent my head in a spin. "So what do you suggest I do, oh mighty 'master'?" I asked sarcastically, not really wanting to listen.

"If he rings back, you may still have a chance. If he does, you'll need to do exactly what I say. I'll help you get your dream man."

I just stared at Eric for a long time, not sure if he was just bullshitting me. "So if I do this with you, what do you get out of it?"

"You'll get off my back about the show and let me do what I'm being paid for."

I was about to answer him when the phone rang and I saw that it was Bill calling back. I looked at Eric in shock, he was right. "Fine. I'll do what you say, but don't make me look like an idiot".

"Don't worry, Princess, I'm sure you'll do that all on your own. Now let's go, I have a heap of work to do on you." He looked me up and down, and nodded to himself.

"What? What about Bill," I indicating to the still ringing phone.

"Don't worry about that now, I'll bet you anything he'll be at your place tonight to talk with you," he said, leading me out of my office and down to the parking garage. He stopped in front of a cherry red Corvette, and opened you passenger door for me. He was at the other of the car before I could even blink, folding his long body into the driver's seat.

"So where are you taking me?" I asked, a little nervous about where this 6 foot 4 vampire was taking me.

"We need to update your look. We need to move you from the stuck up bitch get up you have going and move you more into a more sexy look. You need to be the Librarian and the stripper, the saint and the sinner. And at the moment Princess, you are most certainly not the sinner." He laughed, which sounded very powerful in the small confines of his car.

We drove to the shopping district that catered for the late night crowds, and pulled into a parking spot. Eric led us into a little boutique called "Pam's Den of Fashion", which is not a place I would normally visit.

An amazingly beautiful vampire met us at the door. She had gorgeous, long, straight blonde hair and cold blue eyes, and was slightly shorter then myself. Pam bowed to Eric, and said 'Evening Master. What do I owe the pleasure of this visit? I hope the celebrity life is treating you well. Fangtastia is doing well in your absence."

Eric indicated to me, and discussed what he was planing on doing to me, talking about me as if I wasn't even in the room. "Hey guys, I'm right here you know?" I asked with annoyance. Pam just rolled her eyes and indicated to me to follow her into the back.

After two hours of trying on many different clothes, all chosen to extenuate my 'assets,' we were on our way to a little coffee shop to get me a bite to eat, and for Eric to tell me more about the plan to get my perfect man.

ERIC POV

^v^

I had no idea what caused me to help Sookie out with snagging her dream man. All I knew was that I needed to get her off my back about the show. I would much rather her on my front, but I couldn't see her yielding to me any time soon.

"Sookie, here are several rules about men; Never criticize men, even if it's constructive criticism. All men are incapable of change, growth or progress, even more so vampires. We are who we were at the time of our turning." She nodded listening intently to my words. I would even say she was mentally writing this down. "Secondly, always laugh at everything he says, regardless of if it's funny or not. A fake laugh is like a fake orgasm; it's better then no orgasm at all."

She rolled her beautiful crystal blue eyes, "But a fake orgasm is no orgasm. How is that meant to be good?"

I laughed, seeing the blush rise on her skin, "But you my dear, are not the only person in the room." I let her think about that while before I moved onto my other points. "With you new look you are helping on the third rule about men. We are visual creatures, regardless if our hearts beat or not. Anything you can do to draw them in the better the outcome. And finally, we come to the most important rule about men. Don't talk about your problems; we don't give a shit about them."

"Some men care," Sookie said with utter conviction.

"No, Princess, they don't. While you are bitching away with your issues, we men are thinking about your ass and what you will let us do with it." I raised my eyebrow at her, letting my own imagination run wild. It's probably a good thing she can't read my mind, that blush would be even redder.

With that I stood to take her home, knowing full well that Bill will most likely be heading around there at some point. I wanted to give her a few flirting pointers to help her out with Geek boy. And who better to teach her than me.

I was looking at the many pictures of Sookie's family that lined the walls of her place when I sensed her entering the room. She looked absolutely stunning in a little, tight black dress. It was nothing like I would think she had wore before, and it was exactly what she needed to wear.

"Now there you go, I can see the sinner coming out of you," I said, noticing once again the blush that took over her face.

"So what do I do now? Sit around and wait for Bill to come calling?" Sookie sounded a little nervous, and I didn't blame her. She was stepping way out of her comfort zone, but she needed to do it if she wanted her 'perfect' man.

"It's time to teach you about flirting" I laughed, smiling my dazzling smile, which normally melts panties. She just looked at me shyly, and then moved to place a hand on my chest.

She ran a finger up and down my chest, pressing down a little harder when she found my nipples. I tried to suppress a growl that had threatened to escape. "So is this how I do it? Should I be slapping your ass too? Do you like this?" Her blue eyes sparkled with delight at the response she was getting from my body, one very large and very visible body part to be exact.

I was about to pull her hard against my body, and I was fighting the urge to bend her over her couch and fuck her brains out when she stepped back and laughed. It was the most maddening sounds I've heard.

"Are you sure I need tips on flirting?" she said, indicating to my very hard cock, which was threatening to rip my jeans. Before I could answer her there was a knock on the door. I knew it was Bill checking in on her. I knew I had to leave, so I kissed the back of her hand, and left out the back door. I did however stick around to listen to their conversation, in which Bill invited Sookie to the local Football game on the weekend. She accepted of course. As I made my way back to my resting place, I let my brain mull over why on earth I gave two shits about Sookie Stackhouse.

^v^

It was strange watching that infuriating women being courted by Bill Compton. I knew of him of course, being the Sheriff of Area 5, but come on the man was a boring as dirt. He was a computer geek, building computer databases for anyone that would pay him. He was the embodiment of the Southern Gentlemen, someone who Sookie seems to be attracted too, seeing as it's one of her points on her dating checklist.

I had never met a woman I wanted to fuck as much as I did with Sookie. I think it's because she isn't affected by my looks, or charms or the simple fact I was a vampire. Fangbangers were here for one purpose, giving us vampire's easy access to see our needs being met. It was refreshing to not have her throwing herself at me after I gave her that first panty-melting smile. To me, there is just not that much thrill left after feeding on the willing. I miss the ecstasy of the hunt, and instead of chasing down Sookie like my body was telling me to do; I was giving her dating tips for her relationship with Geek Boy.

As the weeks went by leading up to the big dinner with the Network bosses I got to spend less and less time with Sookie. Her dates were going well, and she seemed to have moved seamlessly from the 'Sookie' that I first met to the Sookie I created. Bill was eating up her spontaneous nature, and seemed to revel in Sookie's more laid-back approach.

I had caught up with her after my segment a few weeks after their first meeting, to check in to see how she was going with it. I could tell that they still hadn't fucked, so I was interested as to see why that was. I really don't know any man that would pass up that piece of ass, unless they were gay. "So, things go well with Bill?"

Sookie gave that cute little laugh of hers that always went straight to my cock. "Yeah it's going good; he has taken me to a few places, his favourite being the 'History of the Computer' exhibit at the museum." I laughed at his choices in dates; Sookie just rolled her eyes at me. "I actually have a question for you. How long should I hold out on giving him sex?" She blushed when she said this, which made me laugh just a little.

"Well anticipation is the key. The more you make him beg for it the more it's going to keep him on the hook. Suspense makes it all the more sweeter when you actually fuck him. And when the time is right, you can show him that there is a sexual deviant waiting to pounce on him and fuck his brains out".

She blushed at my words, but I knew she got what I was talking about. "There isn't a deviant under the surface. It's just plain old Sookie Stackhouse."

It amazes me that Sookie didn't see the women that every man around saw. She was stunningly beautiful and she did this sexy thing, when she was nervous she would bite her bottom lip. "You are serious? Well how do you survive? You've been out of practise for what, a year?"

She shifted nervously on her feet, and looked down at the floor. "Well, actually, I … well I've never done it before!"

Lucky I was a vampire, schooled in the art of neutral facial expression, because if I was human I think the look of shock on my face would have been priceless. You know the MasterCard adverts you see on TV ... "Dinner and movies, $45; A new dress $125; Sookie Stackhouse a virgin, priceless." I was totally floored. I would have never guessed that the beautiful and sensual woman before me has never been fucked. That is just not right.

"Ok well you've never had sex, but you 'pet the pussycat' don't you?"

Sookie looked up at me in shock "What are you talking about. Of course I pet Tina. What type of owner would I be if I didn't?"

I couldn't help but let a laugh escape at her last comment. "No, Princess, what I meant was do you pet 'your' pussy," I indicated to her crotch to see if she got my drift.

She looked down to where I was pointing and gasped in disbelief. "Eric how could you say that. I would never do such a thing. I feel it's too impersonal. And why would I call it that?"

"Well I call it masturbation, but I thought that would be a shock to your Southern sensibility." I started walking off into the direction of my dressing room. I turned back to Sookie when I got a few feet away. "And you should do it, Princess, because if you can't have sex with yourself, then why would Bill have sex with you?" I walked out the door knowing that my next stop would be Pam's sex shop downtown, so I could pick up my dear Southern Belle a gift.

^v^

I wondered if Sookie had received the gift I brought her last week. I still couldn't get over the fact that Sookie was a virgin, and has never touched herself before. I was having second thoughts about giving Sookie more advice to help her out with dating Bill. I had never liked the guy, so I wasn't comfortable knowing that, when they finally got to the fucking part, he would be getting 'first' taste. But she hadn't shown any signs that she was interested in me, which didn't matter anyway because I just didn't meet the standard.

This dinner meeting tonight was such a pain in my ass. The only reason I was really going was so I could have some 'quality' time with Sookie, and maybe even hook up with my wrestling pit girls. The big bosses of CBS had come down to make sure I was settling in well, and I was hoping they were coming to give me a big fat raise, because really I didn't do the show for the exposure. I started the show under orders of the American Vampire League and the only reason they chose me was because I put one of Nan Flanagan's children to final death for threatening to harm Pam. I'm very protective of my child, and that asshole thought he could threaten to steal Pam's latest pet. So what if I baby Pam, it's my job as her maker to keep her safe and protected.

Sam had arranged to pick Sookie up at her apartment, so I went straight to the restaurant. I was interested in Sookie's reaction to the gift I brought her, and couldn't wait to see the blush form on her skin when I offer to show her how her new balls work. You see, I brought her these new orgasm balls that come with a remote control. You simply pop the balls inside and turn the suckers on. I think that they were a very good choice for the uninitiated.

I was laughing at the images I was conjuring up of Sookie is the throws of passion, when she appeared in the flesh … with Compton. I take it that she totally forgot about tonight's meeting. Well at least I'll be able to get some form of communication out of the pit twins, though I do think they are limited to the moans and groans I normal obtain when I am fucking and feeding from them.

The head bosses don't waste any time getting down to business, which I appreciate. As Sam begins to talk about numbers with them I notice Sookie is frantically searching through her bag, looking for something. I dipped my head under the table so I could ask her what she was looking for. "The remote, I can't find the damn remote".

It took me all of two seconds to realise what remote she was talking about. "And why, my dear, are you using them now?" I tried to contain the laughter that was in jeopardy of spilling out.

She was about to answer when two things happened. One, one of the bosses had asked her a direct question about the show, and two that a little kid a few tables over had the remote and was trying to use it as a pepper grinder. The facial expressions that Sookie was giving us while trying to inform our bosses about their show was priceless, and I really wished I had brought a video camera. Bill was clueless about what was happening, even thought, being a vampire he should be able to hear the vibrating in his girlfriend's pussy.

I watched as the little brat hit the pulse button, which sent Sookie over the preverbal edge. She nearly fainted into her chair, and you just knew by looking at her that she had had a good one. She was practically glowing and just stared off into space for a while. Luckily the bosses went on to talk with the pit twins, who were both, very eager to get into any part of the TV industry.

As soon as the meal was finished, I jumped up and grabbed the remote off the little kids. As I was handing it back to Sookie she blushed a deep red. Bill just looked on curiously but didn't put two and two together. See, I told you he was dull as dirt.

"You knew where it was?" she asked, tucking the remote deep into her purse.

"Yeah I did, but I thought I might let you finish first. I think you really needed it!" I laughed a little. "But really thank you for 'coming' to dinner tonight. It was a big help having you here. And just to let you know, he likes you." I nodded over to Geek boy, who was talking with one of the bosses' assistant about some boring crap.

Sookie looked over towards Bill and smiled. Yeah, she liked him a lot too.

^v^

We had set up a 'dinner date' to discuss some ideas we both had for Sweeps coming up in a few weeks. I thought it was about time she saw my bar, and what real Vampires acted like, not the Geek Boys of the world.

Being in the bar was slightly distracting, being surrounded by so many Fangbangers that do dress in the most interesting and revealing clothes. They were in direct contrast to Sookie's clothing tonight, which was a snow-white sundress, covered with blood red roses over it. It showed off her tan perfectly, and I couldn't help that my cock wanted to make his presence known. Unfortunately, a nearby fangbanger thought that my erection was created by her presence and took it upon her to approach the table.

Sookie turned to watch the girl approach, with a disgusted look on her face. It would only be due to the girl broadcasting her thoughts about the things she wanted me to do to her. I couldn't stop anyone thinking, and if Sookie were not here I probably would have taken the girl. I gave the girl a smouldering smile, a wink and sent her on her way, with a slap on the ass.

Sookie turned to me, and gave me a disapproving look, "I'm glad that Bill wouldn't be interested in girls like that." She sighed before saying, "Right there Eric is the reason why you only have passing fucks. You are a MAN-WHORE."

I laughed at her new name for me, "What is your point Sookie? I am a man, who has certain needs. Where else am I to find what I need? Unless you intend to help me out with my little problem." I pointed to my evident arousal, causing her to sit back and smile.

"Oh yes Eric, I just want to be one of these Fangbangers. Please fuck me now." She said all this with a brilliant smile. She was truly unique.

"Wait a second, did you just say 'fuck'. It wasn't that long ago that you would blush over anything overtly sexual, and now you are saying 'fuck'." I let the thoughts roll around in my head, and came to a conclusion. "You slept with Bill didn't you? That is why you seem more loose."

"No, we haven't. Bill is taking me to New Orleans for the weekend." She looked hopeful that this could be 'The Weekend'.

I tried to keep my facial expression neutral, so as to not give away the seemingly foreign emotion of jealousy that ripped through my body. "Oh, well you must be very excited about that?"

"I am, it's just …" Sookie didn't get to finish as Pam walked over to our booth.

"Master, I've just been informed by Nan's assistant that you have been booked to be on "Saturday Night Live" this weekend. They are planing on doing some dodgy vampire sketch and Nan has insisted that you be cast as the emo-sparkling vampire for it."

"How come I wasn't told of this," Sookie asked Pam, slightly pissed that she was being kept out of the loop regarding her favourite 'star'.

"I have no idea Sookie, I just took the call. Please don't kill the messenger. Though I would gladly let you take it out on my ass." Pam winked at Sookie, only adding to the blush rising on Sookie body, and sashayed back towards the front of the club.

Sookie got up to leave at this point, stating she had to get ready for her weekend away. I saw her to her car, and then took off in the sky heading home to do my own packing.

^v^

SOOKIE POV

I couldn't believe I was doing this. Instead of being asleep in bed, I was on a private jet heading to New York. I had gotten a call from Sam just before I go in the shower. I had everything ready for my weekend with Bill, and I just needed to get to bed so that when the car arrived tomorrow afternoon I would be ready to go. Now I was pissed. Sam wanted me to give up my weekend with Bill, the weekend I was going to finally give it up after 25 long, oh so long years, to go and make sure Eric didn't accept the offer that NBC has put on the table. It would mean a move to New York, but Sam thought Eric would take it, as it was a heap more money then what our bosses were giving him.

I knew I was staying at the same hotel as Eric, but didn't expect to see him in the lobby after I dropped my bags in my room.

"Sookie, I see you can't seem to be without my company for one weekend. Have you finally realized what we all knew, that Bill is as dull as horse shit?" He laughed, nervously shifting on his feet.

"Oh yes Eric, I can't get enough of your sparkling wit and charm. No, Sam thought you needed a producer more then I needed to get laid. So let's go … we'll be late for your 'stepping out of the closet' on SNL."

I got into a cab that would take us to the studio, and pulled out the outlines of the shows sketches. Eric sat beside me in the backseat and turned to look at me as the car pulled away from the curb.

"I'm sorry that you gave up your chance to spend time with little Bill, and I by that I do mean his penis size. Or do you need some more pointers to help you with him?" Eric softly laughed.

"Do you really want to talk about Bill's cock? Don't you think we should be talking about the emo-sparkly vampire you'll be playing on the show?" I rolled my eyes at him and handed him his copy of the scripts. "And why would I need your advice for? I'm doing just fine thank you."

Eric scoffed, "You wouldn't be were you are with Bill if it wasn't for me and my advice. Bill is in love with my version of Sookie, not yours. You would have run him off ages ago if you went at him like all the rest."

I spent the rest of the car ride to the studio in silence, thinking about the things I could be doing right now. We arrived at the studio and were whisked in through the backdoor. Eric was taken to the green room to get ready, and I was taken out into the audience to watch the show.

Of course the show was a success, and everyone gave Eric a huge applause, and I knew that getting him to stay in Shreveport would be hard. As we got out of the cab back at the hotel Eric suggested we have a few drinks before retiring for the night.

He lead me to the restaurant and found a table just off from the dance floor. The waitress quickly came over to take our drink orders. "I think we need something special to celebrate with please, so champagne for the lady, and I'll have some Royalty Blend."

I looked over to Eric and raised an eyebrow, "And what are we celebrating? I know about NBC's offer, Eric."

Eric looked shocked for a split second, before his usual mask came down. "So you would be aware that I turned it down? I never wanted to do the show, and the money never really meant anything. So can we please just enjoy the rest of the evening together? Then tomorrow night you can head back home, and spend some snuggle time with little Bill."

I looked at him for a minute, before nodding my head and turning to look over the dance floor. Eric must have noticed where I was looking, and in an instance was on his feet with his hand held out.

"Would you care to dance?" He looked a little unsure what my response would be, but luckily my favourite song came one. As O.A.R's "Love is Worth The Fall" came over the rooms speakers I took his hand and let him lead me to the floor.

I loved to dance and the way that Eric was moving he had, at some point in his long life, picked up a move or two. As we fell into the rhythm of the song, Eric drew my body closer to his. I noticed that, even with our massive height difference that we fit together nicely, like two pieces of the same puzzle. I was so lost in the music and the movement that I didn't realise that we had began to move faster and faster. Eric dropped the hand he was holding, and brought it to my waist where his other one was. I brought both my hands around Eric's neck, allowing me to see into his cerulean eyes. I seemed so lost in them, and I could see the joy of this moment being reflexed back to me. I felt weightless, and realised we were actually floating off the dance floor.

As the music changed into the next song, I realised that we were dancing way to close for work colleagues. I stepped back and looked up at Eric's face. He looked as confused with the situation as I was. Neither of us knew what to do. I decided I would be the one to burst the happy bubble we were in.

"Um, thanks for the dance. I think maybe we need to be heading back to our rooms now. You need to make sure you're in the travel coffin for the flight back in the morning."

Eric drew an unnecessary breath and nodded in agreement. We grabbed our jackets from the table, paid the tab and heading for the elevator doors. I nervously shuffled from foot to foot; unsure about whether I should talk to Eric about what I felt on the dance floor. I knew that it was wrong for me to dance that way with Eric, especially seeing as I was with Bill. But there was and always has been something there with Eric. Sometime I just hated the man so much that I really did want to throw him to the ground and fuck him. I was just so confused. Though I couldn't hear his thoughts, Eric looked just as perplexed with the situation as I felt.

The doors opened to the elevator and we both stepped in. As the doors closed I turned to Eric, ready to discuss what happened out on the dance floor. When my eyes locked onto his I saw a fire that must have been reflected in mine. Faster then I could comprehend Eric was on me, pushing my body against the wall. Automatically my legs wrapped around his waist, bringing my core against his straining pants. This was the first time I had gotten to kiss him, and boy could he kiss. It was like nothing I had ever felt before, and certainly not something that Bill had ever done.

I could have kept kissing Eric forever, but the elevator indicating we had reached my floor interrupted us. As I pulled back from Eric, trying very hard to catch my breath, I said, "Um this is my floor. I'd better be heading to bed. I think I should get some sleep before the plane leaves in the morning."

I wasn't sure what I expected Eric to do, but when he nodded his head and stepped back against the wall I knew that he wasn't going to do anything more with me tonight. I gave him a small smile, trying very hard to hold in the tears that threatened to spill out and turned to walk down the hall to my door. As I reached my door I heard the elevator door closing and realised that Eric did in fact head to his room. I opened the door and headed inside to get some sleep.

^v^

ERIC POV

I had just shared an amazing kiss with Sookie, and here I was pacing the hallway trying to make a decision about whether I should go back to her and finish what got started. As I remember how hot her lips felt against mine, I found my body instinctively moving towards Sookie's door. I knew that she was quite possibly the only woman I had ever loved, and all I knew was that I couldn't get enough of her.

I stood in front of her door, building up the courage to knock when the door opened up. Bill was standing in the doorway looking at me with surprise.

"Sheriff, to what do we owe the pleasure? I decided that since Sookie couldn't come to New Orleans, I would bring New Orleans to her." He was dressed only in a pair of dress pants, so I must have caught them at a crucial time.

"Compton, I had just come to inform Sookie about the change in flight times for the morning." When I said this Sookie appeared at the door behind Bill. I was relieved to see she was still dressed.

"Eric, what are you doing here?" She looked apolitically at me, trying to convey her annoyance to our current situations.

"I just wanted to tell you about the change in flights. But I've already told you that. Um yeah, it's been a big night. I'll just leave you two alone." I nodded my head to Bill, and started walking down the hall towards to elevators. I got to the doors before I heard Sookie behind me.

"Eric, wait. Bill, he just showed up here to surprise me. I didn't know he was coming".

I shook my head, only just realising that her reaction on the dance floor and in the elevator was just due to her being horny after being cock blocked by me. Or maybe we are just interchangeable in her eyes. It looks like I taught her well.

Sookie grabbed my larger hand in her smaller one, "Eric, tell me what happened in the elevator? Should I go and tell Bill to leave?" She squeezed my hand, trying to prompt a response out of me. I stood there for a few minutes, trying to determine the best course of action. A clean break is all I could see that would try and repair the damage that this woman had just inflicted onto me. It might hurt her, but with her Prince Charming Bill around, I think she'll be just fine.

"No, Princess, run on back to Geek Boy. You've worked to hard to get him to this point in your life. I don't want you to miss out on it."

Sookie looked up at me, with a single tear rolling down her check. It took all my strength from licking it up, but I knew that I didn't have enough of the pluses on her checklist to really matter.

"The truth is dead then isn't it? Just like your heart!" She asked as she dropped my hand. It felt cold without her hand to give it warmth, and I knew I had to set her free.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you all along, Princess". I turned and walked into the now open elevator, not bothering to turn around till the doors were shut. When I got onto my floor I pulled out my cell and placed a call with Anubis Air to get a new flight home and to Nan's assistant to try and negotiate a transfer to another network. It wouldn't do any good hanging around CBS now, especially since Sookie will high on happy gas after Bill pops her cherry.

^v^

Nan's assistant was able to negotiate a move over to NBC in Shreveport, although we couldn't keep the name 'The Dead Truth'. They decided to call the show, 'The Evil Evening with Eric'. Really I don't know what drugs these guys were on but someone needs to drain and dump their creative director's body, now.

I had heard from Pam, that Sookie wasn't very happy with my sudden departure from CBS and 'The Evening Shift', but I kept telling myself I didn't care. It was easier just to push thoughts of Sookie out of my mind. I used the Fangbangers at my bar more thoroughly now then I ever did. It was taking more then the usual two or three to bring some form of relief and release to my body. I had never felt this way in my 1000 years on this earth, but it seems that after just one kiss from Sookie, I knew that I was ruined for all else.

It had finally come into Sweeps week, and all the news crews and talk shows were at the first annual Twilight Balloon Trek. No it wasn't about cute little sparkly vampires that seemed to haunt my un-dead existence, but the humans desire to see their city at first dark.

I was sitting back at the NBC van waiting for my producer Jerry to call me up to where we were filming, when I noticed that the CBS van had arrived. I watched, as Sookie got out of the van, opening the back door for a tall, dark hair male. He must be my replacement. I laughed, the guy looked like a fairy to me.

I switched the portable TV over to the CBS channel so I could watch the new guy fall on his ass. From the get go he had no charisma, and he acted like he didn't even want to be there. I could tell from where I was sitting that Sookie was starting to get frustrated with the new guy. After one stupid comment from her host about how it's women that are full of shit she just pushed him out of the basket of the balloon. I was laughing so very hard at the guy's misfortune until I heard Sookie speak.

"And once again the men of this world have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are completely unreliable. Take 'The Dead Truth's' original host, Eric Northman. He just up and quit a few weeks back, without a word to the station or his producer. When he had the chance to do something big, what did he do instead? He chickened out and ran."

I got up from my seat, knocking it over in my anger. I couldn't believe she was bringing me into this, seemingly rubbing her good fortune with Geek Boy in my face. I turned to Jerry and told him I would be right back. I didn't hear anything else he was saying to me as a causally strolled towards Sookie's van. I didn't need the TV to tell me what she was saying, as she was close enough for my vampiric hearing to pick it up.

"The men we have read about and seen on screen since we were little girls are a complete lie. They do not exist in the real world. Even when they are vampires they are not strong or brave when you need them the most. Even if they have a moment of you in an elevator, which was filled was so much heat and passion, they break under the weight of normal emotions. Men, my friends, are weak …"

I finally decided to step in, and shut down her bitching. "Let me tell you about women. They let us believe that they are the victims, and that we set out to break their hearts for sport. But it is us who are the prey. In reality women are the hunters, using their little mental checklist to find their perfect Buck. And if they come across you during the hunt, and you don't meet all the criteria? Don't worry, they still shoot you in the heart and leave you to rot in the sun. But remember, even if you meet all the points on their checklist, they are not sleeping with you. They are sleeping with a carefully selected set of choices: Money over substance; looks over soul, and polish over principles. No gesture, no matter how much thought goes into it would make up for a really impressive list of credentials."

Sookie gave a little laugh and said, "A gesture? The only gesture you can give is pulling your self off."

"So the elevator wasn't a good enough gesture?"

She shook her head, "The elevator was a moment of passion, followed by the gesture of you running away in panic."

"I panicked? That wasn't panic. I just didn't want to have a competition with the walking check list that was sleeping in your bed." I heard Amelia call that Sookie had 10 more seconds of airtime. I decided to hijack it for my own purpose.

"And there you have it folks, that's the dead truth. A girl hunting down two guys will always stuff and mount the one with the better resume". I looked over at Sookie to gauge her reaction to my words. I knew I had hit below the belt, but I was a sheriff damn it, No human has ever been able to treat me like she has and been able to live to tell about it.

As the balloon lifted off, Sookie and I were caught in a staring match. I think we were both letting what was said sink in.

Sookie broke the silence first, "God I hate you so much, if you weren't a vampire I would so pushing you over the edge."

"No, you don't hate me, you hate yourself for being so shallow. Maybe we should pass the time talking about how much fun you had having sex with Bill in New York?" I know I was being cruel but this woman just brings out the animal side of me.

"Well if you had decided to stick around after that night you would have known that I broke up with Bill. Do you want to know why? I finally figured out that he wasn't in love with the real me, but the 'me' that you created. No one would love the real me!"

"What?" I looked over at Sookie at the other end of the balloons basket.

"Now that caught your attention now didn't it, you asshole. But don't think that just because Bill is gone, you will get to pick up where you left it in New York. You've missed your chance, Buddy."

"Chance, what chance? I never stood a chance with you."

"Yes, you're right. I had a momentary lapse in judgment where I thought you were more then just a vampire. But I was wrong, clearly."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I really didn't know where she was going with this.

"Hi! I'm Eric Northman, I like to fuck Fangbangers and make sure you don't fall in love, it's scary!"

Oh that was it, "Of course it is. It's terrifying especially when you're in love with a psycho."

Sookie didn't even blink when I told her I was in love with her. "I am not a psycho, I'm telepathic, damn it."

"You didn't even hear me did you? I just told you that I loved you and you were correcting the terminology I used." I didn't know how much more I could take with this woman. Was true love worth this much banging my head against the wall?

Sookie looked up at me, just staring into my eyes. "You love me?" she asked in a soft voice, "Why?"

I just looked down at her beautiful face and smiled, "I have no fucking clue why, but I know I do". Unable to hold back any longer, I pulled Sookie's body against mine and poured all the love and need I had for her into my kiss. I needed her to know the depth of my feelings for her. She needs to know that someone could love her for her, even if that someone happens to be dead. At least the status of ones heart wasn't on her checklist.

^v^


End file.
